Another Letter to the Beautiful Stranger

Dear acquaintance of my soul,

From a safe distance, from the corner of my eye, I had listened to your leaving. We had never met, never become anyone to each other, there had been no exchange, no transaction with a transcript or a trace, and I had lived on in my beloved obscurity, hiding from the world, doing what I do without an ambition more.

My vision then receded further inwards; the world folded in on itself. A silence, all bliss, and purpose found me, and I felt love. It was that quiet reverberation underneath the fabric of all separation and the two lived together without ever completely becoming one.

I saw you again, and this time as my heart was set on fire I decided not to look away, but to look directly at you and not from a safe distance anymore, for it felt like my whole being would be a lie if I were to close my eyes. There was endless seeing, and two worlds tried to meet, speaking their own language and believing there was touch in some invisible realm of the soul. We believed in magic and spoke into this realm hoping that something would happen, that we would be understood, that the gods of mediation would take our messages with benevolence and transfer them to the other world with complete lucidity. This being the most meaningful moment in the world, a moment of unification, there would be no misinterpretation ever and then we would live on happily ever after in complete ease and clarity of this exchange. I will have spoken with the eloquence of mother muse’s most darling poet: how my soul adventures every time you walk into my life, and how every time you are here I feel a deep sense of completion like this is exactly how it is supposed to be. This is the purpose of existence, this complete sense of… I end up fumbling for words like a fool, I lose touch with even a desire to speak anymore. The gods of mediation are most mischievous, darling soul, and this is how it has been since the beginning of time.

The fiercest dance ensues when two stars are caught in each other’s gravitational pull. Life trembles and cowers in terror at this spectacle. Behold the soul-agitating birth of the sublime! And when touch takes place it is the promise of this future when the dance would be exhausted and the stars would become one, and there would be bliss.

That one moment of truth I wish to tell you before you leave, dear soul, is that for the most meaningful moment in my life you became the purpose of my existence. I wished with all my heart that this moment could be a lifetime, and in this moment I admit my deepest fear to you. I am afraid that I will completely lose touch with the reality of this world someday and this is why I spend every day of my life trying to write myself into the world. I am not delusional, dear soul, but I am most terrified of being delusional. I have no devious intentions. I spend each moment reflecting and reinterpreting the world so that my mind can co-exist with my soul, and I never have to lie and cheat out of greed. The world I am going to contribute to is a world of cooperation and trust. The world where people come together with a deeper sense of purpose and make amazing things happen for the greater good… not simply for their own pleasure. My values are unshakable and even though I am still far from being close to that ideal I am trying every day with everything I have. I wish to contribute to a world where people do not act selfishly, where everyone makes great efforts to come to terms with the world with sincere labor of their bodies, hearts, and minds alike. You can call me a fool, but I will continue to work for that world every day and I will not give in to the selfishness that has led humans to exploit and destroy nature and all other life. This universe does not exist for my pleasure and ‘I’ am not at the center of it.

I do not walk into this blindly. I walk into this slowly and with caution, with endless effort, without the expectation that I will suddenly change everything, but with a hope that I will find people who want to do the same and with them I will be able to make this a better world such that we do not always have to build impenetrable walls around us to protect the children within us, and the children around us. We would become strong and vulnerable, ready to face the difficulties posed by life without losing our true selves, without having to sell our souls for acceptance. In this world, no one would ever have to recede into their shells, isolate themselves, or choose death because no one cares enough to understand them for who they are. This, darling soul, is my dream.

Dear acquaintance of my soul, I will not beg you to stay, I will not even ask you to understand and accept me, and as you leave for the fulfillment of your own worthy journey, you will do so with the deepest wishes of my heart. I am not an intellectual who wants to know everything about the world and manipulate it to do my bidding. I am a lover and a dreamer who will live with my values and sing a song of joys and sorrows alike.

I have made many mistakes in my life. I continue to make them. I will not make excuses. I accept and walk forward with my head held high, and my heart wounded but stronger than ever.

I have written my truth and now I will live onward.
Fly high. Whenever you wish, come sit by me. You are a worldly bird, and I am a homely tree. Go find your joy and I will continue to love you unconditionally.

I shall continue to bear fruit for world-weary visitors. I will never be enslaved by power hungry conquerors and I will listen to all stories…

And as long as a fundamental disagreement persists it is folly to expect anything out of season taking place. Fruits are seasonal and I love nature.

I trust my words to find you somehow, someday.

Yours precariously,

Prashant